June was a real struggle, I had a driving desire to ride, but the more I rode the more I realized my bike had seen better days, I‘ve spent a lot of time in that Selle saddle with the cool gel insert. So it was very emotionally disheartening this summer when the passion to ride was burning once again, to realize that my old steed was no longer up to the task.
Ang and I spent years dreaming about how we would build our dream bikes, what bottom bracket, Ti or XT bombproof, developing a passion for Race Face parts, and agonizing over Sram vs. XTR! When I first saw the Intense Tracer I new that someday …it would be the mine. Back in 2000 the dreams became reality. Working for Specialized gave us the holy grail for outdoors enthusiast PROFORM!
Needless to say I have an emotional attachment to my bike, years of dreaming, months of ordering just the right parts, building it all up myself, and 10 years of ridding.
Unfortunately we were nowhere ready to drop down $ on a new bike this summer so I just kept pedaling along, but the errant shifts on hard climbs, the clanking from the rear end over every hard bump, and the fading suspension made it very difficult to get exited to go ride anymore.
The highlight of the month was a Saturday morning ride with Nick on the Bonneville Shoreline trail, maybe not so much a highlight but an awakening, and not in a good way.
I’m sure it’s true for everyone who spends a lot of time on a bike, road or Mtn. your mind can be a powerful ally or one hell of an adversary. I was talking to Jeremy about this recently, he was telling me about his Snowbasin race and how his mind went to a really dark place on the last climb of the race, he’s tough though and still made the podium.
I do the same thing quite often, not the podium of course, but my mind seems nearly schizophrenic at times.
This was the case today, it started out well, Nick was late so I warmed up with a few loops on the paved trail, got loose, woke up, started feeling pretty good. I was exited to be ridding it was a cool summer morning. I was happy we pedaled down the trail everything was right in the world. Even after the ridiculous hike a bike section I felt great, and then the demons started creeping in. I spun out on a technical little climb and couldn’t un-clip, freakin rookie! its ok though I’m out of practice. Two turns later I smacked my crank on a rock and nearly highsided, holy crap I’m a dork! That’s ok though Nick is motoring ahead and missed it all, but in the back of my mind a little voice is calling “your done, your never going to be as good as you used to”.
I settled down a little after a mile of smooth single track and we started climbing up the canyon, I feel pretty good again, the demon is back in hiding. I am putting some hurt on Nick with the pace I’m laying down. Its not like I’m competitive at all, it’s just a game I’m playing with the demon in my head, see I told you so I can ride!
It doesn’t last long, we run out of time, turn around, and that’s when the demons starts his little game again. I’ve boonked hard, he springs into action, every missed shift, every creak of the frame, every slight incline in the trail, he’s there laughing at me. I try and make him go away with anything from Nursery rhymes’, to stand up comedy. I’m pretty damn funny in my own mind. Alas its not working and by time we get back to the hike a bike section I am a broken shell of human, the demon has won, I nearly Endo off the side of the mountain in a tight switch back. The demon points out that Nick is laughing at my incompetence. It’s all I can do to slowly crawl back to the parking lot load up and go home.
What a horrible start to my comeback tour.
Two weeks of vacation go by dragging the bike along but I don’t even touch it other than to pull it off the rack and put it back on again.
