Lemon-aid

Our friends Brandon and Kate have a beautiful new cabin in Mccall, Id.  Ang and I like to call it Lemon-aid, the nickname hasn’t really stuck with them.  Making Lemon-aid out of Lemons, it’s the end product of Brandon’s brush with death, a road bike accident that left him in the hospital with a broken femur…damn kids.

This summer we loaded up the bikes and went to Lemon-aid for the Fourth of July, we had a great weekend with friends the fireworks over the lake were incredible.  It was a surreal setting, relaxing and .....too bad it’s a 4 million hour drive;)

It was on this trip that I stumbled upon the Anti-Venom for the Demon in my head, I discovered that the joy, struggles, and triumph, of my kids is much louder than the demon in my mind! 

On the morning of day two Ang and I decided it was time to stretch Casi’s limits a little, force her into the outdoors.  We decided a downhill shuttle ride would be a great way to introduce her to single track, and it worked out pretty well.  We shuttled up to the top of the mountain and took off down the smooth single track through the forest, a little up a little down, then a lot of down.  Every time I looked back expecting to see an mad, upset, pissed of teenage girl, I was exited, THRILLED, to see an eager, bright eyed, beaming girl.  She was having a blast!  It fueled my fire, I was bunny hopping off berms, and bombing down the trail like I haven’t done in years, I didn’t hear the demon once today, even though it felt like my bike was falling apart underneath me, I kept pushing.  Ridding and feeling the simple special kind of joy that only comes from rolling around on two wheels.  

It didnt end there, the next morning we decided to support Kate in her annual July 4rth tradition and bike from the cabin, around the lake.  Today it was Tanners turn, ridding Casi's XS 26' bike that was 4 sizes to big, we set off from the cabin on the road.  We put Tanner out front setting the pace, we were quite a site!  Nick and Brandon pulling the kids in trailers, Me and Ang taking turns shadowing Tanner as he teetered back and forth, Kendra squeaking along with a rubbing disk, along with Kate and her brothers family.

Our original plan was to ride with the group to the end of the lake, eat lunch on the beach and then head back to the cabin while the rest of the group finished the loop.  A few hours and 18 miles later we rolled into Mcall to fufill our promise of ice cream!  I was amazed to watch that little kids eyes light up as he spun to the top of another climb, I saw the desire and determination as he struggled up the steep grades.  It takes a special personality to overcome the pain and trials of a long climb in the saddle, and come out the end with a grin and a glint in your eye know you just kicked its butt!  I saw a glimpse of that it in him that day, as I rode along side him with a supporting hand on his back, giving him a little extra help pushing that huge bike up the steepest climbs. 

It was a thrilling experience to see the kids triumph in their new experiences, my new challenge is to support and grow that desire without burning out the flame!

The demon in my head

June was a real struggle, I had a driving desire to ride, but the more I rode the more I realized my bike had seen better days, I‘ve spent a lot of time in that Selle saddle with the cool gel insert. So it was very emotionally disheartening this summer when the passion to ride was burning once again, to realize that my old steed was no longer up to the task. 

Ang and I spent years dreaming about how we would build our dream bikes, what bottom bracket, Ti or XT bombproof, developing a passion for Race Face parts, and agonizing over Sram vs. XTR!  When I first saw the Intense Tracer I new that someday …it would be the mine.  Back in 2000 the dreams became reality.  Working for Specialized gave us the holy grail for outdoors enthusiast PROFORM!

Needless to say I have an emotional attachment to my bike, years of dreaming, months of ordering just the right parts, building it all up myself, and 10 years of ridding. 

Unfortunately we were nowhere ready to drop down $ on a new bike this summer so I just kept pedaling along, but the errant shifts on hard climbs, the clanking from the rear end over every hard bump, and the fading suspension made it very difficult to get exited to go ride anymore.

The highlight of the month was a Saturday morning ride with Nick on the Bonneville Shoreline trail, maybe not so much a highlight but an awakening, and not in a good way.

I’m sure it’s true for everyone who spends a lot of time on a bike, road or Mtn. your mind can be a powerful ally or one hell of an adversary.  I was talking to Jeremy about this recently, he was telling me about his Snowbasin race and how his mind went to a really dark place on the last climb of the race, he’s tough though and still made the podium.

 I do the same thing quite often, not the podium of course, but my mind seems nearly schizophrenic at times. 

This was the case today, it started out well, Nick was late so I warmed up with a few loops on the paved trail, got loose, woke up, started feeling pretty good. I was exited to be ridding it was a cool summer morning.  I was happy we pedaled down the trail everything was right in the world.  Even after the ridiculous hike a bike section I felt great, and then the demons started creeping in. I spun out on a technical little climb and couldn’t un-clip, freakin rookie!  its ok though I’m out of practice.  Two turns later I smacked my crank on a rock and nearly highsided, holy crap I’m a dork!  That’s ok though Nick is motoring ahead and missed it all, but in the back of my mind a little voice is calling “your done, your never going to be as good as you used to”. 

I settled down a little after a mile of smooth single track and we started climbing up the canyon, I feel pretty good again, the demon is back in hiding. I am putting some hurt on Nick with the pace I’m laying down.  Its not like I’m competitive at all, it’s just a game I’m playing with the demon in my head, see I told you so I can ride!

 

It doesn’t last long, we run out of time, turn around, and that’s when the demons starts his little game again.  I’ve boonked hard, he springs into action, every missed shift, every creak of the frame, every slight incline in the trail, he’s there laughing at me.  I try and make him go away with anything from Nursery rhymes’, to stand up comedy.  I’m pretty damn funny in my own mind.  Alas its not working and by time we get back to the hike a bike section I am a broken shell of human, the demon has won, I nearly Endo off the side of the mountain in a tight switch back.  The demon points out that Nick is laughing at my incompetence.  It’s all I can do to slowly crawl back to the parking lot load up and go home.

What a horrible start to my comeback tour.

Two weeks of vacation go by dragging the bike along but I don’t even touch it other than to pull it off the rack and put it back on again.

Hotdog

Just returned from a wonderful walk in the park with Ang and Tanner. I wasn't really feeling up for it tonight, and really didn't want to go very far after we started.

I've been wanting to scope out the park for awhile now, to see if there is a good connector trail I can use instead of riding the road on my Mtn Bike.

If there is anything I've learned about my enthusiam for getting out on my bike it's this- I hate ridding a Mtn Bike on the road. It just seems to me like cutting a 2x4 with a hacksaw, it's just not the right tool for the job. I have no aversion to ridding a road bike on the road, I guess, I haven't really ever done it. I owned a road bike once for about 3 months, it was sweet. A custom painted test of the new paint booth at the Specialized distribution center, one of a kind, SWORKS. If I remember right it paid for our first fridge and part of our down payment.

Back to my evening walk, I did happen to find some sweet single track that I can ride to connect the road loop I rode Tueday. It should make for a much more enjoyable ride that doesn't conflict with my anti road ethics as much.

Here is a cool pic I took of the little pond at the end of the single track.







What a great evening, and to think, I have been feeling down on myself all day for a moment of weakness. But if it were not for the guilt of eating that damn hotdog for lunch I would never have gotten off the couch tonight.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Holy crap I'm awesome

I felt pretty good on our leisurely Legacy Parkway ride, 12 easy miles on Saturday, I even pushed Tanner when his little legs ran out of steam. 


http://nuos.info/LegacyParkwayTrail.aspx

Its funny how a little hill can smack you right back into reality.

I've been back on my super low calorie diet for a week now.
I'm not supposed to do super strenuous exercise to aviod putting my body into Metabolic overload/shock while on this plan, but the draw of an evening ride, my new found enthusiasm, and the light rain drew me out the door and onto my bike tonight.

It was a simple idea, drop down Dimple Dell for a warmup, climb back up to Wasatch to get the heart pumping, south on Wasatch to the start of the Bonneville Shoreline trail and check out the trail conditions.


http://www.bonnevilleshorelinetrail.org/parleystodraper/parleystodraper.html#hidden

Half way up the climb to Wasatch I realized I was in trouble, my legs felt great, the rain felt awsome, but I started hallucinating and throwing up....not really, but its been a long time since I bonked that hard.
So I'm less than 15 min into my ride and I become very aware of the fact that just getting up to Wasatch and back home was going to be a challenge, I'm pathetic.

I did manage to make it home as the rain started pouring down and my asthma kicked in for the first time in three years, but as I wheeled the bike into the garage I had a couple realizations:

One- Kind of random but related to my ride.  I live in a kick ass house, in a kick ass neighborhood, one I only dreamed about living in when I was younger.......Honey I take back all the negative crap I've ever said since moving in. I love it here thank you so much for pushing so hard for a home near the mountains...and yes I even got my RV pad to boot!

Two- As I staggered up the stairs through the door on my way to a hot shower and medication my new favorite song rang through my head loud and clear

I'm awesome......no your not dude dont lie.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/im-awesome-single/id358982456  

Reflecting on how I'm fat and old...and fat

I used to be a biker...a mountain biker...

  

Porcupine Rim 1999 

I worked in Bike shops, worked for Specialized Bikes, built custom bikes, worked on bikes, lived and breathed all things Mountain Bike.  Angie and I thought of Moab as our second home, I've ridden every trail down there, most of them dozens of times.  All of our vacation used to be centered around hitting a new trail or returning to our favorites.

At some point in life, probably around the time Casi was born, I was working three jobs, and going to the University of Utah Full Time, I started getting old...and FAT!  Shes a teenager now.

Casi in the Burly...in a car seat Safety First!

It's no longer fun to try and keep up with everyone, it hasn't been for a number of years.  I wasn't riding enough to be in any kind of shape other than round, and trying to keep up with Jer and Dad just sucked, Mountain Biking sucked.
  
Casi Bar M loop 2006

Afton and Tanner Bar M loop 2006
                                                                                
Its not like I quit riding altogether, we would take the bikes on all our trips and sometimes even ride them!  But not often enough to feel good when we did go.  I remember riding the Bar M loop in Moab, a pretty easy trail for all intensive purposes, and feeling like I just had my A$$ kicked.  Casi out rode me on that one I think, and Jeremy didn't even break a sweat hauling two kids in the Burly.

Gooseberry Mesa 2000

 So here I am, 38 years behind me, BS and Masters Degree behind me, back in the best job I've had in years, done with remodeling projects for the year, and all out of excuses.  Its been 4 months since I made two commitments to myself. One, to drop all this disgusting weight I've been carrying around and slowly adding to for the last 20 years.  And two, start enjoying life again, start skiing, biking, climbing, and playing like we used to, get back the legs and lungs I used to have....even better I want to be able to kick my old selfs butt!

The scale registered 234 lbs yesterday down exactly 30 lbs so far.

Time up up the ante and get back on the bike again.